Are you dreading this Holiday season? Are you concerned the In’Laws are coming or the fact that your Spouse turns into a nightmare for a month while getting ready for all of the parties you are hosting or going to? Recently, Jody Stahancyk, a prominent Divorce lawyer joined Todd and Kent in the studio to talk about ways to make the Holidays much more fun. She said we could share her notes with all of you. To listen tot he entire episode, click here.

1.Human’s crave predictability regardless of our age.

2.Everyone from the youngest of us to the oldest wish to have, or at least perceive we have, control over our situation, person, and effect on others.

3.Holidays are about passing down to our children traditions from our past and making new traditions to add to the bouquet of our lives.

PITFALLS:

1. Holidays can be child unfriendly.

A.No recognition of their interests, age, or ability to want to add.

2. Thanksgiving can become a vision in our mind that becomes an emotional minefield for your children.

A. Children pick up emotion, don’t understand it, and assume they are at fault.

3.Thanksgiving can be seen as something to endure, not treasure.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR THANKSGIVING MEMORABLE:

PREPARATION:

1.Get your children involved.

A. Discuss why we celebrate Thanksgiving.

B. Help your children to make place cards, i.e. “Turkey Hands.”

C. Use Thanksgiving as a time to do a simple family tree and explain how everyone invited is related by blood, friendship, or otherwise. We often assume children understand relationships, but “Uncle Bob is my brother just like David is your brother” may not have yet sunk in. For older children tell them a funny (but repeatable or memorable) story about each guest and then suggest they ask the person about it. It is a great way to get multigenerational conversations going.

D. Ask your children if they can think of anyone to invite who may not be included elsewhere! Thanksgiving is a time of inclusion not exclusion.

E. If you are not celebrating a traditional Thanksgiving, volunteer. Find some kind of outreach. That can become a wonderful tradition.

DURING THE THANKSGIVING EVENT:

1.Introduce your children. If your guests are so gauche not to get down to your child’s eve level, pick up your child and put them at the adult’s eye level. Put your child in context for the guests just you would adults. “John is almost three and attends Oregon Trail Montessori on Broadway. He is very knowledgeable about transformers and a wiz at Legos.” Then tell your child about the guest. Remember that you have already explained to your child, but the guest will not know that; they will just be pleased your child is interested in them.

2. Be aware of your child at all times. Are they alone, looking afraid, lonely? Stewardship will make the difference between a great memory, and a willingness to return, or a desire to never do that again. I think of each of my guests as I would if I were having my boss at my party. I am aware of them and try to make each one’s experience memorable.

3. Run interference for your child. Some people forget a three-year-old at a boring table, with food they don’t like and conversation over their head, is as much fun as a grown up playing a three-hour game of Hide and Seek or Candyland.

A. Watch their intake of caffeine just as you would watch Grannie’s intake of vodka – the results are the same.

B. Put some peanuts in a bag in your pocket and give to the kids. They are a natural protein and can keep a child calmer and less frantic when the turkey is slow.

C. Take them for a walk.

D. Don’t make them eat food they don’t like.

TRADITIONS:

1. Good traditions are things we can expect, are positive, and need not be extravagant. They are, however, out of the ordinary.

2. Make formal dinner parties tolerable to a child – to all of us. My home has a tradition called “Shoot the Chandelier.” Party poppers are always at each place and the person sitting at the table that shoots the confetti and gets it to stick at the highest part of the chandelier gets a prize. Sometimes we will leave the chandelier decorated for a party or two. Children line up to sit at my formal table.

3. The oldest lights the candles and the youngest blows them out.

4. Everyone tells what they are thankful for.

5. The host tells why we eat what we eat – the traditions of the dishes.

6. We toast the turkey.

7. Football pools.

8. We dance and the children get a dime a dance from every older person they dance with.

9. We all wash dishes together and sing silly songs.

What was the last thing you did that was special with your Dad? Can you think of anything right now that you would make you stop what you are doing and join your dad?

Kent and Todd discuss their very recent adventures with their dads that created exactly what they both have been looking for: more love, more connection, more Dad.

Live at 3:30pm PST.

Earlier this summer, we lost our 11 year old golden retriever. It took some time to get over the initial heartbreak and the boys have struggled with it as well. They have talked much more about death than usual 7 and 4 year olds, but we have taken it in stride and supported them.

This morning I thought I was going to have to do that all over again. The boys let our chicks out at around 7 and it was a little dark, not too bad.  About 30 minutes later one of the boys was out back and came in screaming, “Dad, I have searched everywhere and I can’t find the fourth chick. I think it’s Four-D!” (he had just seen his first 3-d movie when we got the chickens, hence the name)

I figured the chick had just wanted some private time and was off in one of her favorite hiding spaces. So I set down everything I was doing because as Connor put it, “Dad, I think finding out whether or not one of our chickens is dead is much more important than going to school.” I searched, everywhere and could not find the fourth chicken. I was afraid that a Racoon had gotten him. I didn’t suspect an Eagle or other large bird. He could have gotten out, but Connor told me he had found only one chicken in the neighbor’s yard. So, I just thought to myself, “Well that sucks. We lost a bird. There is nothing else I can do. I have to get these lunches ready and the kids off to school.”

I told Connor that he was right. We had lost one of our chickens, but I still felt that it would show up. Now he had to finish getting ready for school. But Connor is a bit stubborn and he stayed outside looking. Then I watched him. He slowly went over and picked up one of the other chickens and started carrying it around with him. He figured that the Chicken would make noise in his arms and call to the one that was lost and since they were all sisters, she might come running. No luck. But, he did suddenly hear a sound, underneath the porch, behind the worm farm and the cedar chips and lawn mower. It was dark in there but he looked and then came out screaming as he let me know he had found the fourth chicken.

But the most amazing part was that as Connor’s eyes adjusted he saw something remarkable: an egg. Again, out he came screaming that he had found the chicken and she had laid an egg. Well upon further examination with his 4 year old brother, there wasn’t just one egg down there. There were 9 eggs. 2 were double yolk eggs (we haven’t opened them but the big ones are double yolks). So here was Connor, so proud that he had found the lost chicken, that he had found 9 eggs as well. Because the chickens hadn’t been laying eggs in the coop for the past few days, I had been worried about them. The only three we found had been cracked and were covered with mites. Yes, I am working on the mite problem though I hear it takes a little while. So the chickens got fed up with the bad beds and made one of their own, totally out of the way where they thought they would be protected.

Why did I share this? I am not really sure because this isn’t about parenting, but I guess it was just one of those moments as a Dad when you look out at your kids trying to be a sleuth and you can actually see all the neurons firing and trying to figure something out. It often reminds us of the time we did that as kids. The pride on Connor’s face upon finding his chicken and the eggs is not something I will soon forget.

Did your Dad tell you to toughen up if you want to win? “Be a Man! Get stronger. Out-muscle the other guy!” Times have changed and now lots of parents are saying, “Let everyone win.” Is either side right? Maybe.

Newsweek recently released an article “Why Winners win.” that spoke to all of this. It struck a chord with Todd and kent, who have seen winning from two completely different perspectives, one as a young kid and one as a parent. How did they get there? How do professional athletes get there? The article mixed with this conversation gives you the research and the perspective on winning that you might need as a father. Are you watching your child play sports? What is your reaction to their success and failures on the field? Being victorious may have nothing to do with all of your training. We explain in this edition of Dads Unplugged.

We all loved summer as kids but what about it as an adult and parent? Do you find yourself looking at your kids and watching them get dumber each summer because they aren’t doing any school work? Reading, writing, arithmatic, it’s all going out the window we call a brain. Sure our kids are playing in the streams, out skateboarding and making new friends and having wonderful experiences, but is that really helping them get smarter?

Kent and Todd debate the potential of year round schooling plus they talk about tenure and the pros and cons. Does Matt Damon have it right? Find out at 3:30pm on Wednesday only on Pagatim.fm

Whenever Michael Thompson, co-author of Raising Cain says, “This inspiring, challenging, and practical new book provides dads with insight and exercises that will help them make deep connections with their children.”, you know you must have the author on and we do, as John Badalament joins Todd and Kent to break it all down.

With so much being expected of Dads now, John helps all of us fathers learn to balance work and family, plus build great communication with our kids at any age, and you also get to sort through your father’s legacy and what it left you with.

Dads, usher in 2011 with a new tradition. I am a huge hockey and while the NHL isn’t here in Portland, the WHL best Portland Winterhawks are. I just spoke with them and they are willing to give all of you a special deal. So if you have no plans for the 31st, check this out. Reference my name (Todd Mansfield) and tell him you heard about it on Todd’s Dads Unplugged show.

Call Andy and ask for the Ticket special. It is a lower level ticket and hat for $18 a piece as long as you contact Andy directly. So go for it. Maybe you already have plans, but just a thought. Face off at 8pm. This is a Portland tradition and it’s always against Seattle. A nice rivalry.

Andy Rygg
Corporate Account Manager
Portland Winterhawks Hockey Club
Direct: 971.230.2962
Office: 503.238.6366 ext. 260

Do you ever find yourself wondering, should I say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. In this world of PC, it’s a tough question. In fact, it’s a question only a bunch of Dad can answer and they did in this episode. They also debated what is “Greener”: buying a tree grown in a tree farm or buying a plastic tree and sticking it back in the box ever year.

How do Dads help the moms and kids handle the holiday stress? It’s everywhere at this time of year, but if your dad is looking out for you, then you should make it through the holidays fine. But there are some hurdles we all have to get over and you can if you listen to our ideas. Straightforward and to the point, the Dads deliver.

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

John Badalament believes we all can, and in his book, The Modern Dad’s Dilemma he shows us how. It’s not that hard. No matter what age your child, 2, 12, 22, 42, you can still have that relationship you have always wanted. However, it will be emotionally difficult to make that first step. In this book, he shows you how. He shares stories of other fathers who have made the step.

This is a book that is a must this holiday season. Why not start 2011 with a goal of becoming the father you always wanted to be? Why not start it out with the chance of hearing what your children think of you as a dad. It’s important to face the facts now rather than 20 years down the line, or heaven forbid, when they are a teenager.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download