I guess you missed it and did you miss out. Keep your eye out for the LONG version of the time we spent down at Players because I had to edit out a good 15 minutes of great conversation to fit in our 30 minute window. Things that will be in that longer version, Darci (we still don’t believe she actually has given birth to 5 kids), Kent railing on the University of Washington and how they treated his dad, plus  more comments about how one Dad should handle a very troubling athletic situation with his son. We never know what is going to happen at these Dads Unplugged get togethers, but we do know that we will have a great time. Hope you can join us for the next one. Keep your eyes open on the web site, or if you want to be added to our mailing list, send us a note at Comments@pagatim.fm

Dads, it’s time to get out and get together. Why not do it over some bowling! Dads Unplugged hosts events every month and this time we are doing it at a bowling alley, Players in Lake Oswego to be exact. We have 4 private lanes from 8:30-10p on Tuesday, August 24th and if you want to be a part of it, you must RSVP to todd@pagatim.fm. We have just 32 slots, but we would love to have you be a part of it. So, drop Todd an email, inform the wife and bring your balls to Players Bowling in Lake Oswego.

Spanking is a big issue for all parents. My wife and I don’t believe in it under ANY circumstances. If you do, please try this. Tomorrow, figure out a way to really piss off your boss and then when he/she gets mad, turn around, bend over and tell them to spank you, preferably with a belt or a wooden spaghetti spoon. Ask yourself, while they are wailing on your arse; does that make me want to do better for them?

Spanking always stems from anger. If you weren’t upset, why would you hit your child? If you disagree, take a moment and think about when you last spanked your child. Be honest. Were you angry at the moment you decided they need a spanking? You may have been calm when you spanked them but not at the moment you decided to do it.  It’s ok. It’s human nature to want to lash out when we are angry or scared. But  there are ways to gain control and do it differently, without hitting your children.

1-BREATHE – Your kids can push your buttons more than your wife. So when you feel “it” coming on, walk away. I’ll be honest, this is hard for me. But I’m working on it and when I do it, it makes a HUGE difference.

2-BE HONEST – When you are ready to come back and talk to your child, be honest with your feelings. If your child has run into the street without looking, make sure they are safe first, then take a moment for yourself and when you have calmed down let them know how much it scares you and how you would feel if a car came and hit them. Make it relatable. Talk about something they have lost forever. They will understand. My 3 year old did. It works. Guys, it’s okay to show some emotion to our kids. Just because your dad didn’t, only means he was taught by someone who was born between 1910 and 1950.

3-LET YOUR WIFE HANDLE IT – Personally I hate this one, because I want to control the situation. I want to show I am a man, but am I really being a man by hitting my child? What good does it do by trying to handle a situation when you have totally lost control? Let your wife take care of it. You score big points with her for walking away and your child will learn that it is better to walk away when angry.

4-CONNECTION BEFORE CORRECTION – Rather than coming in with guns and mouth blazing, as much as the event upset you, understand that your child is ultimately trying to get your attention. Whether it is running across the street, drawing on the living room walls, talking back to you or whatever you feel is worthy of a spanking, they are just trying to get your attention. So give it to them. Connect with them. Give them a hug. If they don’t want one, tell them this, “I’m really in need of a hug, and when you are ready to give me one I’ll be waiting.” Hello! They weren’t expecting that. I’ll bet 9 times out of 10 they are giving you a hug in no more than two or three minutes. And remember, your child will be in a much better place to hear what you have to say if he/she is connecting with you, rather than being spanked.

5-SHUT UP AND LISTEN – Turn your ears on. Hear what they have to say. If you come in talking at them they won’t share or listen. Ask questions. “Why did you run into the street without looking? Why did you decide to draw on the walls? Why did you throw your plate of food the floor? Asking questions makes the process of moving forward easy. It make take a little bit, but they will start to talk and when they do, you will get all the answers you need. This makes them feel important. That’s crucial. Remember, it’s their world and we are just living in it.

Honestly, these are 5 great tools. They are tools that I am trying to use whenever one of my boys is losing it, or performs what might be labelled by some as a “spankable” offense. This is information I have gleaned from lots of different specialists who have been on our show, Parenting Unplugged Radio. I’m not perfect. I struggle as much as you do every day. I am sure you love your kids as much as I do and you want to be the best Dad you can be. So try some of these ideas out and let me know how they work for you. Don’t try them just once, do it 5 or 6 times each and get back to me. They may not work 100% the first time, but they will. Good luck!

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A friend sent me this from Momlogic.com. A guest blogger put it up talking about her husband. Maybe they do know us better than we thought.

Top 10 Reasons Father DOESN’T Know Best:

1- He dresses the kids in flip-flops and shorts on a 45-degree day. (When the thermometer hits 100, he sends them out in fleece.)

2- He thinks “quality time” with his kid means watching “Jackass: The Movie” with his 6-year-old son.

3- On the night of his daughter’s first date, he demands that she wear a turtleneck and a chastity belt.

4- When left alone with the kids to make dinner, he serves cinnamon rolls on paper towels as the main course.

5- He nearly gets into a head-on collision with another shopping cart while playing “racecar with your toddler in the driver’s seat.”

6- He insists on wearing his “World’s Best Dad” T-shirt, even when it’s filthy.

7- He loves to toss the baby in the air like a sack of potatoes, often grazing the kid’s head on the ceiling.

8- While trying to keep up with his teenage son, he throws his back out playing HORSE.

9- Instead of giving the kids a bath, he hoses them down in the backyard.

10- He actually believes “father knows best.”

The conversation was so good and so long, I had to break it up into a couple of parts. Here is part 2. It just picks up where we left off. Kent talks about how his employees break down and how he is concerned our society is breaking down because of a lack of discipline. Todd gives Kent some easy approaches to handle these employees and his own kids, who won’t eat his macaroni. More passion, more responses, more answers and ideas. It can only be delivered like this on Dads Unplugged.

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TUESDAY, JUNE 15TH!

Mark it down, we are gearing up for another strange and winding road that we call the Mancave Edition of Dads Unplugged. Come join us at 1440 NW Overton in downtown Portland. Kent and Todd will host a live edition of Dads Unplugged. You could even be on the show. They provide the beer, you provide the audience and away we go. NO WOMEN ALLOWED! That just wouldn’t be any fun at all. Though I am finding more women are asking me if they can come. Nope! It’s just us guys and I look forward to all of you coming. Whether or not you bring a friend, make sure you bring a willingness to listen and be open to something new. Dads actually communicating about their ups and downs of being a Dad. It’s never as easy as it looks.

We talked about it on the show on Weds and Kent told me to post Laura’s response to my question. Well, I can report that she said yes. It was almost more nerve racking than asking the original question. Today is my birthday, May 28th and I am 42. I love my kids and wife, but I am really at a place where I need to get away from them. I often put it this way, “I want to miss them”. Right now I mostly just want to throttle them (I am tired of having to wash all the dishes after making dinner, getting hit in the nuts and having my neck wrenched during play wrestling and having to ask for things 5 or 6 times) I am tired. So, my family has a place in Central Oregon and I want to go there and enjoy nothing. No running water, no lights, no nothing. I can go fishing all day, hiking all day, reading all day, meditating all day (though the mosquitoes would drive me crazy.)

I will admit, when I did ask her about this I felt incredibly guilty. I felt I was screaming, “I don’t love you!” or “I don’t want to be with you.” No, I was actually saying the opposite. But we have all been taught asking for things like this is selfish. My Dad even asked if everything was okay with us when I told him I was taking off for the weekend. When I told him why I was doing it, he said, “I totally understand. Makes perfect sense to me.”

So I think things are good. I mean, Laura looks honestly pleased that I am asking for what I want. I guess I could get used to this. How do you think she will respond when I tell her I want to go to a Tropical Island with Supermodel Marisa Miller?

Tuesday night, May 11th at 1440 NW Overton in the Pearl in downtown Portland, it’s time for another Mancave Edition of Dads Unplugged Radio. Kent Lewis and Todd Mansfield provide the drinks, the food and the entertainment, if you want to call it that. This time the focus falls squarely on Raising our Sons and Raising our Daughters, two books written by Kathy Masarie M.D. Yes, there will be a test. Why? Because it gives you an alibi. Don’t think we aren’t looking out for you. By the way, I think I would have done much better on the SAT’s if I had a #2 and ice cold drink in my hands. Since we are grading our own papers, so there is no way to fail this one unless you don’t show up.

See you next Tuesday night!

After Kent and I talked on the show about our concern for kids being overweight, we thought why just talk? Let’s put up some links that you could use. These will help you and your family eat better, stay healthier and educate yourselves. Please write me feedback on them. Your input is crucial to our success.

1-One way to help your kids eat better is to allow them to make the meal. Of course, you may have to eat something that tastes horrible, but it can lead to some great laughter over the dinner table where you are all eating together. Maybe you set up one night a week where your kid gets to put together a menu and cook it. Sure, the first night may be Ho-hos and ice cream, but you could set boundaries that there has to be meat, vegetables and a drink. You as a parent could set the table, and the kid/s could bring out the food. Sounds like a fun family night. Maybe you make that happen every Sunday night. Just a few thoughts for you. In the meantime, enjoy these links and let me know what you think.

http://www.habitchanger.com/feedingyourkids/

http://www.organic.org/articles/showarticle/article-108 -Here are some ideas for lunches for your kids… And read the whole article because it also talks about when your kids don’t eat everything you pack.

http://www.betterhealthusa.com/public/268.cfm- If you have TEENS: read this…

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/4/t040400.asp#T040406 -I should have known better. Why didn’t I look here first? Dr. Sears’ site has plenty of answers.

Bon Appetit

Today on Dads Unplugged, we are talking about our kids health. It’s a big problem. So I ask you healthy parents, what do you do? What do you do when you notice that your kids are getting fat? And with healthy food being so expensive, are you okay with buying your kids food that isn’t good for them? Your responses are welcomed. Post here, tweet at dadsunplugged or listen live @PDX.am and instant message us.